Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
