I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
