First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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