Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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