My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
