you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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