Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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