she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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