You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
