Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
