therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
