New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
the raccoons are back...
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