My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
