WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
