R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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