I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
