By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So much rum. So many feels.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
