3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
