I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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