When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
