He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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