fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
