Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
