yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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