Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
