real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
