you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
