I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
