It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
