Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
