Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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