You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
