Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
