I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
