hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
