Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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