I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
