No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
