This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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