Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
