it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
