Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
