I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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