so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
