I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
