i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
no, he came in my armpit
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
