I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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