she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
