Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
