If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
