My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
