i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
