he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
