I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
