can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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